how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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