i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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