Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
