Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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