The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
