I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
