I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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