This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
