i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize