I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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