:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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