you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize