Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
