Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
