I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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