i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
