it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
