i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
