I'll bet she douches with gravy.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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