I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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