its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
