the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
