i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize