she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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