Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
