You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
