I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
