Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry Nerf_Herder hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(508): View more from Massachusetts

So how was he last night?

(617): View more from Massachusetts

Five-minute foot-long.

Fav 29 1054 1748
share tweet
(304): View more from West Virginia

I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.

Fav 34 3796 2584
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(607): View more from New York

I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.

Fav 18 4681 987
share tweet
(479): View more from Arkansas

You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.

(1-479): View more from Arkansas

You got my ass fired just for knowing you

(479): View more from Arkansas

thanks for the bacon

Fav 19 5963 1679
share tweet
(269): View more from Michigan

I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.

Fav 10 5882 1273
share tweet
(724): View more from Pennsylvania

i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.

Fav 32 7456 1280
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(570): View more from Pennsylvania

He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.

Fav 5 1049 3689
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(843): View more from South Carolina

If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.

Fav 4 884 420
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(303): View more from Colorado

All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.

Fav 0 18 35
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT