You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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