Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
