i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
