yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
