Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
