ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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