I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
