Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
