Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Drunk is not a location!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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