Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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