I'm going to rape someone's good day.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
