i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
