I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
