I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
