Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
