His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
