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clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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