My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
