I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
