we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize