Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
