We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
