I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
