He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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