i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
