is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
