apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
