i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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