so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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