He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize