butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
