I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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