recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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