Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
