she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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