the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize