Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
