Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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