The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
not ubering you a puppy
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
